Category Archives: Ponderings

We’re willing to wait on you, we believe in everything that you do, I want you to try to help yourself…

So you’ve had you’re private school tuition, parents help, support, inspiration, all of life’s lessons you have learnt. Now is the time when it is up to you to make a success of yourself. You get drunk and sleep in until 12.

Sometimes I feel like this. I know what I have to do to make a success of myself.. I think.. but I don’t put it into action.. I don’t help myself. It’s like a..

‘dusty room you cannot sweep, clouding up your mind..’

I read tons of self-help books, hoping that somehow they will inspire me to change my ways, but I know it already. I know what I have to do I just need to do it! My dream is to become a film director like Sofia Coppola.. and I will get there one day, I WILL!!

‘and if I could talk to myself like I was someone else, then maybe I would take my advice’

just a bit of a rambling post about how we should listen to our own advice, how we should get up before noon!

songs that inspired this post:

Bright Eyes – Going for the Gold

Help Yourself – Sad Brad Smith

It’s Scary to be Ordinary in a World where no one knows your Name…

My friends say that I’m strange. But in a world with 6.7 billion people and growing, do we not all just need a way to be unique? For me it’s expressing myself through my clothing and my room – visually, everything I see of ‘myself’ must be “me” otherwise I feel like my identity is non-existent. The realization of this in the form of a line from a Conor Oberst song (see title) made me wonder; is everyone the same?

Do we all just want to be more than a face in a crowd?

Of course, the answer to this is ‘yes’, but if not visually from our houses etc, then how? Sometimes when I catch a glimpse of another person’s world; their house, their history etc.; I struggle to find any trace of an ‘identity’ in the complex sense of the word. Perhaps it is just that I, as a teenager, need to establish this, whist older people have learned to purely exist on the foundations of other things? Is identity just a phase? Or, even is it merely an illusion to stop insecure people like myself from getting lost in the crowd?

What do you think?

Lets Migrate..

This is where I live. Or at least I try to… my friends call it day-dreaming or hopeless optimism, but I think that it’s wonderful to be able to be able to see beyond the day-to-day chaos and and irritating aspects of life and to see ‘the bigger picture’.

All of us at times get overwhelmed with everyday pressures and begin to complain about petty things. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side, but in a way, we all live on the ‘other side’! It’s all relative. I just feel like we should all make it our goal to look upon the little things; weather, timetables, transport issues etc., with as much of a positive attitude as we can. Ok, the train was 5 minutes late, but think how great it is that picks you up and drops you off at your destination so efficiently! Ok, it’s freezing cold, but at least it’s not raining and it means I get to wear my cute scarf and gloves set!

See what I mean? When I do this it makes me feel so much better about everything. We, no matter who we are, have so much to be thankful for, we are alive! The ‘land of make believe’ is not naive or blind. It is most definitely a reality.

Tip of the Day!

Being a student is great.. until you have to do work. For me it is in the form of 3 philosophy essays this week – yum.

So in my despair I asked my daddy to text me an essay writing tip of the day hehe.. and I thought today’s tip was quite applicable to life in general!…

‘Imagine you are in a helicopter. Fly above the subject matter. Look down upon it. Say what you see.’

Once I had tackled my essay with this method, I started to think about it in terms of my own life. If we step away from our own bad moods, emotions, worries, menial tasks; how do we see our life? Is it good, bad, ugly?

I find that people like to confide in me about their troubles and to ask what they should do, and it comes naturally to me to be able to suggest solutions. But when it comes to my very own troubles, I keep them hidden in my shell. I find them so hard to solve because they are tied up with all of my tangled emotions. (In Philosophy of Mind we call this subjective analysis 😉 I’m such a geeek)

But what if we learned to step back out of our own minds and look at the problems as if they were a stranger’s? Surely we would know what to do? This reminds me of the lyrics to ‘Going for the Gold’ by Bright Eyes:

‘And if I could talk to myself like I was someone else
Then maybe I could take your advice
And I wouldn’t act like such an asshole all the time’

So today, try looking at your own life from a helicopter, say what you see, work out what you should change, and tell me what you think!!



I want my life to be illuminated with candles and fancy dinners…

But I’m just not that fabulous.

I think it’s the price that you have to pay for watching wonderful films. Your life, in comparison, will always be a disappointment. There will be no Hugh Grant to whisk you away, and in the midst of despair, unlike those flicks that you have seen time and time again, you are never quite so sure of the ‘happy ending’. I think this is the urban pessimist coming out. But seriously, how are we supposed to live up to these fantasies built up in our minds?

I always like to imagine myself as a character in a film; I know it’s petty, but it tends to add a dimension of ‘meaning’ to my life, as though my world is not just a set of uncontrollable events, but something that follows a plot and has a soundtrack – it’s much more comforting that way!

I’m not really too sure where I’m going with this or what exactly my point is, but I guess that’s why I named this blog ‘ponderings’! But I’ll leave this thought with you – I remember watching an episode of Gossip Girl (no I’m not ashamed to admit that I love that show!) after a day where I felt down and didn’t know where my life was going. Blair was reflecting on the days where she would watch ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ over and over, because she new exactly how it would end. But her own life? It dawned on her that she was not only the star actress, but also the directer, producer and camera man in a film with no genre, and she could not possibly juggle all of those things at once.

So what’s your movie going to be? Horror? Thriller? Romantic comedy? The scary thing is that you have to decide!

Keep pondering!



‘As a child, is this how you saw yourself all grown up?’

When I was 7, all that I wanted in the world was a treehouse.

I wanted it so bad that I broke my arm trying to build one.

The dream was to have my own special place, somewhere to day dream, sat above the world that I did not understand.

Now what I want is a penthouse apartment. When did I get so materialistic?

People say I’m shy, nice, quiet, polite, a dreamer..

..but I will get what I want even if I have to break my arm in the process

I will do it for the 7 year old in me that still wants to sit above the trees. : )

I love it when the nights get dark..

This picture epitomizes everything I love about the winter months; the dark blue hue that covers the world at 6 o Clock, the lights on the street and in the windows, the hustle and bustle of people wrapped up in woolen clothes. Autumn leaves.

There is a certain nostalgia about it; even when you are in the midst of it all, when you are that girl in the photo, you are still longing for more of the feeling, there is something that you still cannot capture, because some of it is held in the past.

My mind goes back to past autumns, when I longed for the future, when I thought of the past. I think that traditions are just this – my mind can never focus on the present because it is always reminded of what was before.

I want to have an in-the-moment feeling, where you do not want to be in the past, you do not want to be in the future, you want to be in the present, always and forever.

I’ll leave you with a song : ) Autumn Leaves

Wow. I was listening to the above song whilst writing this, I wasn’t listening to the words but as I was writing I had my late Grandad in mind the whole time.

I have just read that the song was written about Paolo Nutini’s Grandad when he died.